Thank you to Collett from FamilySmart who spoke at the July Superclassmums meeting - Hills District about Cyber-bullying
Collett Smart has been working with children and their parents for almost 20 years and has had the unique opportunity of working with families on 3 continents, with a diversity of ages and cultures. She holds a Bachelor of Education degree, as well as an Honours Degree in Psychology with a specialisation in Special Needs and is currently completing her PhD.Collett is a psychotherapist, keynote speaker, parenting expert and director of Family Smart. Collett provides counselling to children, adolescents and their families, both in private practice and as a school counsellor. Her Life Skills workshops cover various topics and are aimed at mental health professionals, teachers, parents and teens. Collett assists both schools and families embrace the positive aspects of living in a cyber era, while also providing resilience building strategies for dealing with the negative effects of online behaviour.
Bullying has been around since time began, but with the introduction and advances in technology, bullying is seen in another realm, as well as on another level. But just like playground bullying, if we provide our children with skills and knowledge, they will have a good chance at overcoming the effects of this phenomenon. Hopefully, they will also become part of the solution for eradicating the behaviour and not contributing to it.
The issue with cyber-bullying is that it can occur 24/7, due to the accessibility of technology. Victims are no longer able to get away from the bullies, as they get followed home through their mobile phones or internet connections. It is also noted that cyber bullying occurs at a far nastier level than face-to-face bullying. Bullies tend to say things that are far worse and go a lot further in their viciousness than they would on the playground, as they do not get to see a person’s facial expression or read their victim’s body language. Cyber-bullying can also remain anonymous, adding a fear factor to the effect. Victims are also left with messages they can read over and over again.
Here are some things we need to be looking for as we observe our children daily:
- Unwillingness to go to school (where this has not been the case before)
- Feeling unwell in the mornings (tummy aches, headaches etc)
- Falling behind in school work and homework
- Sudden disinterest in the computer
- Becoming withdrawn from family and peers
- Distressed, anxious or lacking confidence
- Becoming aggressive or beginning to bully others and siblings
- Feeling depressed or crying for no reason
- Mood swings
- Becoming anti-social or isolated
- Thoughts of suicide
Teach Children:
- Not to respond to a bully on the internet - Tell a trusted adult when they feel uncomfortable or unsafe
- Block the offender from their social networking page or email account
- Save the evidence (children often panic and delete it immediately)
- Reflect on how they ‘met’ the person in question (is this person someone they know in real life?)
- If contact involves physical threat, tell the police
Remind children to have a think about what they are sending/posting before they do so, even if it is to a friend. Posting or sending a message online is very different to having a face-to-face chat, as an online post can stick around for ages. Facial expressions and body-language are not available as social cues, so this can affect what a person chooses to say or how a message is interpreted.
Also, emphasise never sending a reply to anyone when they are angry. Always wait a period of time to cool down before sending a reply. Encourage students to have a good think about whether or not they even need to reply to the message at all. (Isn't this something that we as adults could learn from too?)
For more information on Cyber-bullying and a wealth of other parenting information, refer to Colett's site FamilySmart.
